Auctioning the Knight
by randomplotbunny
Summary: Bruce is reluctantly up on the auction block, and being fought over by both Catwoman and Joker! But it seems that the Joker has already won this round without even trying. Established Boker!


_AN: It may be early, but Happy Halloween!_

**Disclaimer: I so don't own Batman, or anything else for that matter.**

Bruce felt like an idiot as he stood up there on the stage in his toga- and how had he allowed himself to be convinced to wear such a... drafty garment anyway?- waiting to be sold off like a piece of meat for charity.

He just had to keep telling himself that it was for a good cause, that he couldn't chicken out and just leave.

Looking out at the sea of masks and painted faces before him, Bruce- who under the veil of night had faced down homicidal maniacs and monstrous creatures from out of nightmares- didn't think he could take much more of this.

Even if it was his own Halloween Costume Gala and Auction for Charity.

Just as Bruce's nerve was ready to break the auctioneer started his spiel and prevented him from making a run for it.

"And now we have the item you have all been waiting for: a date with the most eligible bachelor Gotham has to offer, Bruce Wayne! Let's start the bidding at a thousand dollars!" As the frenzy started among the Elite to out bid the others and get a chance with the deep pockets of the Wayne family two bidders seemed to stand out among the rest.

One was a woman dressed like a cat- long tail, thick fur coat and a bejeweled cat mask- and she seemed to be waiting for the herd to thin before announcing her bid, and Bruce wasn't looking forward to it. The woman- obviously Catwoman, why no-one else could see it he didn't know- had been following him around all night and it had stopped being annoying and had become creepy before the party had been in full swing.

The other was a man wearing a Batman suit, and a very good one at that- it almost looked like it had come straight from the Batcave- and seemed to be waiting to make his bid as well; only he was watching the cat woman instead of the stage, and he hadn't been at the party before the bidding started.

"And I have two hundred thirty thousand dollars! Do I hear two hundred thirty-five?" The bidders had thinned out as the total had climbed into the six digits, and now it seemed that the two silent people were finally going to start making some noise.

"Here!" Called the woman.

"That's two hundred thirty-five! Do I hear two hundred forty?"

"Three hundred!" Called the man in the Batsuit in a voice too high-pitched to be that of the famous Batman- not that Bruce of all people had been fooled, unlike some.

"Three ten!" Screamed the woman, enraged that she was being challenged at such a high number.

"Four hundred!" The auctioneer didn't even have a chance to ask as these two went at each other.

"Four fifty!"

"Five hundred!"

"One million!" Gasps came from every corner of the room at that, none of the Gotham Elite thought it proper to spend _actual _money at these charity things- it just wasn't on!

"You don't have access to that kind of money!" The man accused.

"Like you do?" The woman shot back.

"One million going once! One million going twice!"

"Ten million!"

"_You can't do that!_"

"Sure I can, unlike you I actually have that kind of cash to spare!"

"Ten million going once! Twice! Sold! To the gentleman in the Bat costume!" The cat dressed woman huffed and stomped her foot but could do nothing else as she had fairly lost.

As Bruce descended the stage he lost sight of the man who he now owed a date and ended up with an armful of a 'disguised' Catwoman.

"I tried, I really did. One day, Bruce, one day." And then she was gone and Bruce could find no trace or trail of the man, though he did make sure the promised money had been paid, which it had.

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER

The party was long over and Bruce was exhausted, all he wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep.

But as he opened his bedroom door he got a surprise.

"Hey, good-looking, finally come to keep me company?" Bruce tiredly rubbed his eyes as he looked over the man, still wearing the Batsuit, that had bought him earlier.

"Take off the suit and get into bed, I'm too tired for this." Bruce ordered, though he had no hope he would be obeyed- he rarely if ever was.

"You work fast, don't you? We haven't even been introduced and you're already trying to get me into bed. Naughty, naughty." Letting his lips slip into the smirk he had long since stopped fighting when around this exacerbating man, Bruce strolled over to the bed and began peeling the armor off himself.

The first thing revealed was a shock of green hair.

"No armor in bed- your own rule, remember?" Wrinkling his nose at the reminder, the Joker remained passive as he was effectively stripped.

And Bruce began losing his composure as he realized that the clown had climbed into the suit naked.

"Ah... I don't think I can ever where this again." Bruce commented as he peeled the final layer of armor off the perfectly pale clown.

"And why not, sweetums? What's wrong with it now that I've worn it?" Joker smirked while Bruce just gave the clown a rather heated Look, and if he hadn't been so tired he would have shown the clown exactly what was wrong with it; but as it was that rather physical conversation would have to wait until he'd at least had a nap.

"I'm taking a shower and then getting some sleep, I hope you plan to do the same soon." Joker just shrugged as Bruce headed to the bathroom for his shower, when he got back it was to the sight of his lover already curled up under the covers.

Climbing in with the clown, Bruce curled himself around the other man and let himself relax for the first time since they had parted ways that morning- Bruce just could never relax when his Joker was not within arms reach.

"Thank you, by the way." Bruce said, not wanting to forget.

"Hmm? For what?" Murmured the clown, having been nearly asleep before the unexpected gratitude.

"Thank you for rescuing me from that woman's clutches, even if it was with my own money." Joker turned around so he was facing Bruce and gave him a gentle kiss before cuddling closer.

"Just remember that feeling when you find out what I did, she should never have tried getting so close to you like that." And then he was out, asleep in an instant knowing it was the only way to prevent the fight- or at least postpone it.

Giving a sigh, Bruce kissed the green hair in front of him and settled in to sleep. He would deal with whatever mess Joker had made in the morning, after they had their 'conversation' about the Bat armor that is.

At least he could honestly say that life with the Joker was never dull, even if it was sometime a little too unpredictable to be comfortable.


End file.
